Fragility

I have spent a lot of time in the last few weeks thinking about death. Not because of my own life, but because I have been living with my grandparents. Gramps isn't always doing very well. He took a fall this week, and we spent a huge chunk of Sunday in the hospital after Doug and I had to rescue him from the bathroom. Doug had to take the door off, and the hinges were inside the room, so it was a long and ugly process. Anyway, Gramps is ok, but it was a long and hard day for all of us, especially him.

Gram just had surgery. She had it scheduled over a month ago, so we didn't cancel it. She wanted to get it done while Doug and I were here to help. So she was in the hospital this morning when I got a call from her sister to tell me that my great grandmother died this morning. So, I had to go tell her, and since she was in the hospital I spent the whole day fielding calls about the funeral (which wasn't set as of yet) and questions I had no way of knowing. I wanted to cry, I am so tired, so exhaused but I ask you, when would I have time to cry, grieve, or for that matter even think?

But this is not the worst of it. All this week my mom was in the hospital for heart issues, that aren't the normal heart issues one might expect ... meaning they are electrical issues not clogged artery issues. So it is both good and bad news. She doesn't have congestive heart failure or artery disease, but they have her on the three prescriptions they make for these problems; she is on the highest legal dosage for all three, and it isn't solving the problem. I can't be there, and even if I were it wouldn't do any good at all. At least she went home yesterday. At least she is doing a bit better.

This isn't meant to be a gripe session, and I hope it doesn't sound like it is ... I just want sleep, and a nice long soaking bath, but sadly neither of those seem to be in my near future. I think that if I can make it to the weekend I will be ok, but in the meantime, life is fragile ... and the fragility is far to familiar as I think of my father on a nearly hourly basis this week.