Abstractions

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall - think of it, always. ~Gandhi

The last week has been an exercise in frustration. From spider bites to Doug being in a huge wreck. I was even offered a job making three times what I do now, but with no way to extricate myself from UVSC without destroying my ability to ever teach again. And so I stay with my piss poor pay because I KNOW I am suppossed to be teaching. And I do love my job, and my students give me more in spiritual and emotional strength than the extra money would, but it is hard nonetheless.

I have recently been listening to one of my old favorites, Plumb. As always, when life turns hard I turn to music for comfort and commiseration. I really enjoy her lyrics; she is angst ridden enough to fit my mood, while still having the edge of hope that I need to stay sane. So even though life is a bit rough right now, I am able to see the good points. Most importantly, my wonderful husband is alive. And in all honesty, every thing else seems so stupid in comparison. It is odd how the bad things can really give me perspective. I guess the reason for the Gandhi quote is that life, often so ugly, always has joy under the surface. Good will win, after the "clouds race in, and storms rage in . . . rains will pour down, waves will crash around, but we will be safe." I have had enough happen this week to know that God is aware of me, the masses are stupid, and people wound and hurt me at every turn, but God has given me a little alcove to rest for brief moments. And then there are moments, like this morning, when Doug kisses me, and I think how truly good it is to be me.