Cool Calmness

John McNaughton's "Autumn Solitude"

On Joy and Sorrow

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your

laughter rises was oftentime filled with your tears...

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart

and you shall find it is onlythat which has given

you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again inyour heart,

and you shall see that in truth you are weeping

for that which has beenyour delight.

~Gibran

I have been dreaming. Memories of the past have kept close company with me the last few days. I have been trying to cope with the past sorrows, and as I have looked at them, I have discovered a bittersweet joy. Life is a series of sweet and sour moments. I guess so much of the last few days realizations have been brought on by a sincere desire to understand and grasp my past, so that I can more fully live in the present. Usually the present keeps me busy enough that I am lucky to plan for the future, and only in thoughtful moments am I allowed time for the past, but my dreams are rife with all my angst from the last several years. So now, with a few dreams and a lot of thought I give you my thoughts via a favorite song of mine. The following lyrics cover my thoughts better than my own meek words.

Better ~ Plumb

You live inside a dream
Everything tastes so sweet
As long as it agrees with how you feel
You're dancing in your sleep
'Til all the eyes that look at me
awaken your anxieties
You're so afraid, so you try to break me, yeah

I don't want to care
And I don't want to hate
And I don't want to see you fall too far away
All because of fear
'Cause when you're afraid
You lash out at me
When you say all the things that you never meant to say
And try to break me
But in the end, what leaves you broken
In the end, makes you better, yeah

Your face looks so green
When the sun is shining differently
And you're standing in the shade
'Cause face to face you're sweet
Like candy sticking to my teeth
But underneath so damaging
There is no strength in trying to break me, no

I don't want to care
And I don't want to hate
And I don't want to see you fall too far away
All because of fear
'Cause when you're afraid
You lash out at me
When you say all the things that you never meant to say
And try to break me
But in the end, what leaves you broken
in the end, makes you better

Bittersweet ~ Plumb

I've been carrying this old luggage
And it's been really bugging me
So when you called to see me
I couldn't believe it
Could it really be?
You need to feel forgiveness
I need to feel resentment
Running down the drain
This bruising chain I've carried
Is the pain that I am marrying today

[Chorus]
Now I can breath
And I feel grace brush over me
It pours through my skin
And lets you in
And we are free
Now I can breath
And I feel grace brush over me
It runs through my vains
And what I taste is bitter sweet

The clock is always ticking
Bitterness grows by the minute
Why can't we realize
The wounds that we're inflicting
On our own flesh it isn't healing
By keeping love inside (Yeah)

[Chorus]
Now I can breath
And I feel grace brush over me
It pours through my skin
And lets you in
And we are free
Now I can breath
And I feel grace brush over me
It runs through my vains
And what I taste is bitter sweet
Bitter sweet