Midnight Clear

Night speaks to me, and I am comfortable in my skin in the glow of stars. I walk the silent paths of my thoughts and dream of far away places. Years I dreamt of standing in a field with sheep, looking to a star and walking to find the child. As a young girl I even had sheep; I knew their ways, and our tiny farm with its pecan trees, ducks, cats, and five sheep didn't seem too far from Bethlehem. I would sneak out at night, to sit in the big pecan tree, and with the sheep mulling beneath me, I would gaze at the stars. I was a shepherdess, content with my sheep.

Now as an adult, I think I relate better to the wisemen. Not because I am particulary wise, nor because I have riches to spread, but because my love of knowledge causes me to lose the full view of the story. I, too, must follow a star to reach the child, since my adult soul is farther from Him than I would like it to be. It used to be so simple to worship and adore, and now I find that I sometimes lose my way, let the books and knowledge take me from my path, and it takes the dark of night to pull me from my studies, and once again the Star beckons. The simple beauty of His light is obvious to all who are willing to see, but just as stars are far from a simple thing, my love for Christ is a many facetted and detailed thing with explosions and moments of clarity.

The shepherds came to see the baby, and as a child I found Him easily myself. But now, as an adult, I must seek Him. And the nights are often long. I too follow a star, and I think that when I gaze into the heavens, and the Light shines down on me that I begin to remember a bit of my self that I had lost. For me, that is the Christmas Spirit, and it truly is like that long ago star, in my heart, and I feel that I should bring with me all my gifts to lay at His feet. They are not of monetary worth, but finally, as an adult I glory in approaching my King, for now I have something to offer, and a willingness to share it for His sake.



People often ask me why I teach, and I tell them the various reasons, but to be fully honest, the true reason isn't ever voiced. I teach because He set His Light in me, and the young girl I was wanted nothing more than to be like the one Man whose life made the most difference. So I followed in his footsteps, to become a humble teacher. And every year when I feel the "Christmas Spirit", I am reminded of my promise as a child, to another Child far away, years ago . . . I promised my King that I would do my best to make a difference in this world, that I would do it for the glory of His mission.

I may never come close to fulfilling that grand promise as I had hoped as a child, and I wish that I could be more for Him, do more, see more, and make more of a difference. In my moments of sadness, that I am not enough, that I do not do all I can, I fall into a nightened darkness. But with that night, comes a silent peace, and the Star leading me back to the Child. All wisemen must wait for the dark to find the Light. This season embraces that Light at its core, and through it I am renewed. Yes, night speaks to me, and I am at peace in the glow of the Star.