Seasonal Thoughts

"With faith, comes love. With love, peace. With peace, blessings. With blessings, God is present. With God present, there is no need." ~Hungarian Christmas Thought

The season is upon us. The next few weeks are an excuse to show our love for friends and family. Often we receive useless tokens, other times we are given greater gifts. I have spent a lot of time thinking this week about some of the later. Today is my due date, the day I was due to have a baby. I have grieved and dealt with things the best I know how, and I pray my grief never caused another person too much pain. I won't pretend that it has been easy, and it should not be easy, but I have been very lucky to not hurt as badly as some people do in my situation. A combination of good friends and family, and a deep belief that God is in the workings of even somethings this difficult, have kept me sane. Perhaps it was my sister Becky, more than anyone that has helped me. I knelt on a cold tile floor with her head in my lap while the waves of chemo nausea rocked her entire body. I helped her shave the last strands of hair from her head, to make her beautifully bald. She has faced her cancer with a stubborn determination that makes me so proud to call her family.

However, I know that she feels, to a greater degree than I do, the frustration with a rebellious body. In the ultimate unfairness of this whole mess, she had to follow up months of cancer treatment with a full hysterectomy yesterday. I was not there with her, which was hard. She has always been my closest friend. I have other best friends, but no one knows me better than Becky. And though I know she was fine without me being there, I still wish I had been. She is hurting physically, and emotionally, and I am powerless to truly help.

Becky and I both had rough years, though mine was a comparative cake walk, but we have both survived. Then I thought of my Hungarian friends, and how they are so downtrodden in their daily struggles, but they are some of the kindest and best people I have ever met. God gives a sense of joy in the small things. I realize that I am not the great Healer; I am powerless to give Becky what she truly needs, just as everyone else has been powerless to give me deep comfort over the last few months. Small things, even now, bring joy. I was reading my friend's blog; she has a lovely little girl who has changed her life forever. The simple things she learns daily from her little one are some of the purest and most beautiful of truths. The things we need to be truly happy are small and simple. That is why I think Christmas is so much about kids, and their fascination with the tiny things that are often missed by us as adults.

This morning I sat with my husband in our front room eating warm cereal and chatting. We drove to the school, as we do every Wednesday, laughing and talking. And it hit me, once again, how much I love him. I could go anywhere or do anything with him by my side. That is when it all clicked, like a piece into a puzzle, making the picture whole. God is in the details; God is in the rain; God is in my husband's touch; God is in my warm cereal, and the way my husband makes me laugh; God is in Brenna, Kenzi, Will, Sadie, Hudson, Shiori, and Avery; God is in the small things, and that is why I can be happy today, on what could and some people would say should be a very difficult day. I am surrounded by beauty, and I have what some call "the Christmas spirit" in abundance. And that is why I remembered Hungary, and the simplicity of Christmas within its borders and among its people. "With faith, comes love. With love, peace. With peace, blessings. With blessings, God is present. With God present, there is no need." So there are my thoughts. I have much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. I have remembered the importance of the rain.